


A Blue Streak

by moonblossom



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humour, Swearing, Vocabulary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-05 07:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonblossom/pseuds/moonblossom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock decides his vocabulary could use some expanding, and looks to John for examples.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stonker

**Author's Note:**

> So the other day Benedict referred to parts of S3 as "a right stonker", and while I realise he was using it in the slang sense for something shocking/exciting/unexpected, my brain gravitated to the fact that it also means an erection. And then I got to thinking, wouldn't it be hilarious to hear Sherlock say something like that. I make no apologies for the absurdity contained herein.  
> And yes, I plan to continue this. Feel free to suggest particularly ridiculous or hilarious UK-usage swear words/expressions, and I will try to write chapters for them.

John rubs his eyes and drops into his armchair, groaning in relief. Sherlock's not far behind, flinging himself dramatically across the square chair across the lounge.

"Well that was a right stonker."

John splutters. Of all the things he's heard come out of Sherlock's mouth, somehow this is by far the most surprising. He blinks, swallows, turns to stare at Sherlock.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Isn't that the correct usage? The case was a pretty dramatic one."

John rubs his eyes again. "No, no. It was... uh, yeah. The right word, I guess? It's just not exactly the sort of thing I'd expect you to use. Usually your vocabulary is a little more..." he pauses, trying to find a word that won't hurt Sherlock's feelings; it's strange, the things that set him off. "more, uh, erudite."

Sherlock cocks his head slightly, and John can tell he's processing that statement.

"I've noticed the folks at the Met seem to be more comfortable chatting with you than they are with me. And several people - yourself included - have compared me to a robot, especially when I get going. I've been studying your speech patterns. They tend to be peppered with charming but inaccurate idioms, and rather vulgar swear words, so I thought I'd give it a try myself."

John sighs, wishing he had a mug of tea. Tea would make Sherlock easier to deal with right now. Tea always makes Sherlock easier to deal with. He's too tired to get up at the moment though, so instead simply continues to goggle at Sherlock.

"Maybe you should start with something a little more innocuous, yeah? Something more common? I don't know... try calling Anderson a wanker next time you see him or something. That should feel pretty natural for you."

Sherlock grins. "He is rather a wanker, isn't he?"

At this, John can't help but laugh. "That he is." Shaking his head, John kicks his shoes off and curls up further in his armchair, leaving Sherlock to process his new-found expletive usage.


	2. Wanker

"That was..." John gasps, sucking in air between giggles. "Fucking brilliant."

Sherlock's leaning against the rough wall of the alley, deep laughter reverberating low in his chest. The look of sheer smug pride on his face is completely endearing. "It was fairly spectacular, wasn't it?"

They're unofficially hiding from Lestrade, having been told to bugger off for "interference." He hadn't minded John prodding the body, had looked the other way while Sherlock nicked a sample of the victim's fingernails. 

But when Anderson stepped into a puddle of blood and thoroughly contaminated the evidence, Sherlock had rather gleefully - and quite loudly - referred to him as a _bloody wanker_ , and the ensuing cacophony of laughter had forced the DI to kick them to the kerb.

"Did you see his face? He looked like he'd just swallowed a rotten egg." John says, snickering.

"He _always_ looks that way." But Sherlock grins, nodding at John. "And Sally seemed to approve. They're on the outs again."

John reaches out, playfully squeezing Sherlock's shoulder. "I have to say, your second attempt at swearing like a hooligan was far more successful than your first." Something in Sherlock's expression reminds John of a preening peacock, and he laughs again.

"Well, you know that obnoxious old idiom. Practice makes perfect."

"So I get to look forward to more of this?" John asks. The responding glint in Sherlock's eye should be terrifying but John simply bursts out laughing again.


End file.
